I've fallen and I don't care

Recently, I had reason to visit The Gap. Not really for myself (though one time I did purchase a very nice pre-Brokeback blue flannel shirt there) but because someone else wanted to go, and therefore I got sucked along into going. Maybe you can tell I sort of have mixed feelings about The Gap, and all other retailers of its ilk. Why? Well, you know how in sci-fi movies everyone is always wearing the same silver jumpsuit? They bought them at The Gap of the Future. Don’t get me wrong: I enjoy quality clothing items as much (possibly more than, what with the homo-ness) as the next person. I just have this thing where I think our clothes should be different, so that we are different. Otherwise, we are wearing uniforms: you wear this outfit and that means you are this kind of person, wear that one and you are that kind of person. Of course, I’m not a big fan of their prices, either. I mean, you’d think their clothes would be cheaper: it’s not like those Indonesian children are making more than twelve cents a day. I mean, if you aren’t going to pass down the savings, maybe I should be a little more ethically concerned about my buying options. Although I didn’t find any clothes to buy, I did have a revelation of sorts while I was shopping. It concerns an ugly pink frock coat and discount merchandise. See, there was this coat. It was pink, with psychedelic paisley whipped through it. It was frocky looking. These two factors combined synergistically to make it fantastically ugly. Jackson Pollock would have looked at it and gone “It’s a little busy.” (although somehow I think John Waters would have said “It’s not nearly tacky enough”). Anyway, my friend pointed out how it wasn’t a surprise that it was on the sale rack. And then the fashion angels sang in my ear: maybe these clothing retailers make these fantastically ugly clothes on purpose so that they will end up on the sale rack so they can know who the cheap people are. Makes me suspicious now of my flannel: it was on sale, too.