Why not?

You know, I just got stood up, and I was writing this really thoughtful, introspective piece, and then I was like “Fuck this.” That’s not me. Well, (sigh), okay, it IS me, it can be me, but it is not the me that everyone else gets to see, because this is my miseducation of Lauryn Hill: when you let people in, you get played like a chump. SOMETIMES. Confused yet? Good: me too. I had this thing… well, okay: I was trying to have this thing with this guy. But he doesn’t want my thing. Wait, that makes me sound bad, let me rephrase: he does not want a thing. Or so he says, and frankly it doesn’t matter, because either way I still got no thing (just sort of mentally fix that sentence in your minds so that it is talking about relationships and not dicks). So, la la how the life goes on. I’m trying, right? I mean, making an effort to put myself out there, meet guys… except I wonder if I really am trying. I have an intensely pessimistic attitude: I’ll always be alone, for whichever of the many hundreds of obvious reasons, but me, alone, yeah: it’s just how it’s gonna be. So, I am projecting this quantum wave of negativity out to all potential guys, and they are completely repelled (although, to be a dickhole about the physics: they would also have to be negatively charged in order to be repelled and I can’t believe that I am talking about physics in the middle of my discussion about why I am undesirable: this only underscores my point). The nice way to think about it is that I am too special: I am a good guy with a lot to offer. That’s what my friends tell me. I don’t want to insult their perspicacity, but if I’m so great, why aren’t the guys beating down my door? The other homo at work (well, the other male homo at work: I forgot about the PE teacher, and surprisingly the music teacher) tells me that I have to kiss a lot of frogs before I find my prince. This sounds more like it to me, but then I wonder: is it worth it? Is it honestly worth my time and effort to be jerked around emotionally, to deal with an endless number of “slimy” guys, on the off chance that one of them will turn out to be okay? I’m kinda leaning towards “no” on that one, but then I think: what the hell else will I write about? I mean, you can only read so much about me having wet dreams or nightmares when I sleep on my back. So, I dedicate myself to you, gentle readers… all six of you. For you, I will continue to put myself out there. For you, I will make myself emotionally vulnerable. For you, I will share the details of every awful date, every worthless loser, and every awkward rejection I have, meet, and receive. You bitches better appreciate it.

Extra Special note: I have posted another profile on yet another online service. To view it, and the duplicate blog postings, you may click here. Enjoy!