This is why I am alone

I have started putting myself out on various online dating services. My reason for doing this is two-fold. The first reason is that I am hoping if I endure enough shame and humiliation by essentially declaring to the world that I am incapable of finding a romantic partner on my own, that a divine force I don’t even really believe in will take pity on me and nudge a man of suitable qualities and hotness in my general direction so that we may, in the words of Marvin Gaye, “get it on” and eventually find civilly unionized domestic partnership bliss (since at this point, wedded bliss is only available to us in Canda, Massachussetts, and a couple of other countries there is no way in hell I am moving to). The second reason is that I am starting to get arthritis of the right elbow, if you know what I mean. You can be sure I'll let you know how the search is going.