Hysterical Blindness

So, my vision started going. I mean, I wore glasses before, but I could still like “see” stuff: yesterday, everything that wasn’t six inches from my face became an indistinct blur. I decided that I must be tired. After all, I have worked very strenuously in the past few weeks, spending most of my time staring at a computer screen. Woke up this morning, everything was still blurry; less blurry with my glasses on, but like I had the wrong prescription or something. I begin to contemplate what life will be like when I am blind. I decide that either: A) God is punishing me, B) what they said about doing that too much WAS true, C) Irony, after a long (but not long enough on my part) absence has decided it was time to drop down and kick me in the nut sack by making me a blind librarian (insert Twilight Zone theme music here), D) is for diabetes, which both my father’s sister and mother had, or E) I have syphilis. I am really only worried about the last two of these, although it is my understanding that diabetes doesn’t cause blindness in the manner I am experiencing, and as for syphilis, I have only ever had protected sex and I think I would have noticed some other symptoms in the three months and 25 days (but who's counting) since I last got my freak on. After an entire day of worrying, I finally called my mom. She’s a nurse. She told me to schedule an appointment with my doctor. I hate going to the doctor, so I counter-offered resting my eyesight for a day or two and seeing how that went. She said that was fine and that if I did go blind, I would always have a place … in her shed. Mom is not big on the wallowing in self-pity, as you may have guessed.